❝I don’t know.❞
Leaders can be seduced into thinking we have to have the answers all the time, but we don’t. We can’t. By exposing a little vulnerability, this phrase shows humility and opens the door for collective problem-solving, encouraging a culture of learning and curiosity.

❝What do you think we should do?❞
Inviting input from others not only values their expertise and judgment but also fosters a collaborative environment where everyone feels their contributions are meaningful.

❝I’m sorry – I made a mistake / I was wrong.❞
Owning up to mistakes demonstrates integrity and accountability, qualities that are contagious in the best way possible. It sets a precedent for transparency and trust within the team, and it encourages people to be bold and to take appropriate risks.

❝What do you see that I don’t see?❞
This question acknowledges that diverse perspectives are invaluable and that a everyone’s perspective is limited. It encourages team members to share their unique insights, leading to better decision-making.

❝I have your back.❞
Assurance of support provides team members with a safety net to take risks and innovate. It’s a testament to a leader’s commitment to their team’s growth and well-being.

❝You’re right.❞
Affirming the value of team members’ contributions reinforces a culture of respect and mutual appreciation. It shows that leadership is listening and open to being influenced by others.

❝How can I best help you right now?❞
This question signifies a leader’s willingness to serve their team, not just to lead. It shows empathy and a genuine interest in providing support, tailored to the individual needs of team members.

❝How are you doing — really?❞
Going beyond surface-level engagement to understand the true well-being of team members shows care for them as individuals, not just as employees. While it’s not our jobs as leaders to fix personal problems for our team members, understanding their context can help us lead with more compassion and empathy. (That said, no one is ever required to share their personal life with you, so use this phrase as an invitation, not a pry bar.)

❝Why do you think they did that?❞
When someone is locked in conflict with another, this question invites them to consider the other’s perspective. By channeling our inner Walt Whitman (by way of Ted Lasso), we can “be curious, not judgmental” in a way that disrupts the all-too-common polarization into heroes and villains. This creates enough space for us to find a third way together.

Cover photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash